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Have to know people

Robert Higgs

'All your dreams as attainable. If you can see it happening in your head you can make it happen for real.'

It's a message pounded into memory by sheer force of repetition. But often we look at successful people, see only the final push that propelled them skywards and think they had it easy. But dreams are never within easy reach - that's why we talk about having to stretch to get them. We wonder why success doesn't arrive presentation packed on our doorstep because our rush to digest self help maxims often blinds us to a simpler truth: Yes you can have what you want but you need to be brave to get it.

And being brave is hard. It's easier to allow desperately mustered courage to atrophy and leave the road less travelled. It's hard to be brave. It's easy to settle. Successful people in every field have many qualities that keep them striving when their inner voice tells them to quit. But the biggest quality of all is curiosity. It's about going after a goal, unsure whether you can achieve it and refusing to give up until you know. It's about having to know. The successful are all 'Have to know people.'

There is a fantastic scene at the end of the TV drama 'Cutting It' where a woman torn between the love of two men is forced to choose. She has a conflict over relationship one, with a man she adores but sees as safe, reliable and steady and relationship two, with the unpredictable, unreliable man she is madly in love with.

It pushes her to tears but eventually she chooses relationship two, telling Mr Reliable: "I'm sorry. I have to know."

So inspiring! No matter what the risk, potential heartache and disappointment she had to know. She couldn't live without knowing. Couldn't bear the thought of wondering what might have been. The brave and successful all push the boundaries of safety on the road to discovery. Successful people struggle and smash through obstacles because their desire to know how their efforts will manifest is stronger than any fear. To get where we want to be we must become 'Have to know people.' We must realise above all that there is a world of difference between wanting and having to know.

In pursuit of any creative endeavour there is uncertainty on the way. Wanting to know, having the curiosity to ask questions is the foundation. In addition you need inquisitiveness and sheer bloody mindedness to keep going until the answers are found. 'Have to know people' are all willing to live with uncertainty, they don't mind the fear that fills them on their journey because they don't quit until they know.

'Have to know' people are all incredibly brave because they seek the truth behind the fear. Being brave means fronting failure but with a change of attitude it need not put us off. I accept failure as a temporary judgement, an instruction that will lead me to success. Failure is life's way of telling us we are not quite ready for what we want. That we need to develop our skills or that the timing is not quite right. If we really have to know, failure will not pin us to the sofa long enough to abort our quest. If we really have to know we will not blame and complain, we will dust ourselves off and carry on searching. I can cope with what we term 'failure.' What I can't deal with is not knowing how, with more persistence my dream would have turned out. It's hard to be brave. It's even harder not to know. To be successful, you have to persist until you do.

This will require you to make perhaps many leaps of faith. But when you leap you uncover new ground. Every end is a new beginning and new circumstances are always scary, forever disorientating whenever you initiate change in your life. A leap I recently made was to move to London. The very idea was frightening; it loomed large in my perception. I looked at it as the biggest thing I could do. So I actually did it in steps. By making loads of trips to London over the course of a year to promote my book I soon got used to being there, negotiating the underground, finding my way through the mad rush of people and the accelerated pace of life.

I panicked a little the first time I got off the train at Kings Cross. People were dashing everywhere, I didn't really know where I was going and I was a little intimidated by it as I descended the steps to the tube. It was manic. Uncomfortable and stressful. But I made so many trips that I quickly got braver and spent a couple of free days exploring the city. When the time came to move it happened very quickly. Sitting in my new place was still uncomfortable. Change is always accompanied with large doses of adrenaline and it always stretches your limits. Change always brings with it a mixed bag of emotions. Mild panic attacks, moments of exhilaration, inspiration and thoughts of fear. Expecting this as a consequence of change will help you avoid giving in to panic and aborting your dream. When you make any big move expect there to be a period of days, weeks or maybe months where you will feel like giving up and returning to more familiar ground. Persist and you will adjust to new circumstances. For me it wasn't long before London started to look as small as the very small town I'd departed. I made it happen because I had to know. I used to get off the train in London and panic. Now I just get off the train. When you leap you make waves. Afterwards it's just a matter of riding them.

I look at any venture I undertake just the same. Yes I may fail at first, it may take several steps, it will be scary, will make me feel like running away, giving up, taking a boring, soul destroying nine to five and settling for what I’ve got. It will do all these things but I couldn't give a monkeys because I have to know. The image of me in a rocking chair trapped in a regret tinged vignette is far more frightening than getting out there and fighting for my dreams. I've not always liked what I've discovered, but once enlightened at least I know. I see life as a process of discovery, of self actualisation. Life is about setting goals and asking yourself 'can I do this?' The beauty of life is that in having to know you will definitely find out and most probably. Definitely. The answer will be yes.

© 2010 Robert Higgs.