Who's That In The Mirror?

2nd June 2003

I read somewhere that all of life is about learning to be yourself, learning to accept and be happy with who you are. When you’re growing up you’re very unsure who you are, you’re always looking for approval, searching for your identity. Sometimes you give in to peer pressure and follow the crowd. You try different things, different fashions, and different music. You’re searching all the time, you’re unsure. So much about that process is uncertain and often that uncertainty can leave you open to the attacks and suggestions of bullies. What I can tell you from experience is that bullying will stifle anything inside that you want to express; it will stop you from wanting to express it. It will stop you being who you are, will put your development on hold and mould you before you realise it into a person you don’t recognise. As a teenager I could be both quiet and outgoing whenever I wanted.

But when bullying came my way I developed a shy persona that wasn’t really me. Over time the bullying became normal and it stifled my creativity. I became a person I didn’t recognise and didn’t like very much. I’ve always been a writer, I’ve always written stories, when I was a victim I pretty much stopped writing them. Today, free of bullying and having done a lot of confidence building, the creativity is pouring out of me at a fast rate. Sometimes I’m writing so much it wears me out. I’m into music in a big way, in my teens I never listened to music, I shut myself off from the world. A few years ago I opened myself up to it and I suddenly got the desire to play the guitar, so I bought one and learned. Now I get my own songs written. All these ideas, creative stuff is coming out. And that was who I was all along, I just got trapped in a victim state, wrapped up in anger and I lost my way. It was all because of the bullying, bullying teaches you, erroneously of course, that your opinions don’t matter, that you don’t matter. Unchallenged it eats away at your self esteem and pushes you into a mindset where you want to turn your back on life, where you don’t want to know anything from anyone. You accept it; you accept that the bullies are right. You are no good.

Don’t hide away from the world, don’t sit and take it. I’m not saying confront the bully necessarily. What I am saying is educate yourself. Put your mind to work and rise above your detractors. See them for what they really are-weak people seeking attention, trying to be noticed, trying to feel strong, trying to cover up their own insecurities by singling you out, trying to deal with their own emotions by turning them on you. Understand bullying for what it is, don’t take their attacks on board, don’t take them to heart. Just because a newspaper prints a story it doesn’t mean there is any truth in its words and it’s the same with bullies. Understand this and you won’t become trapped in that victim state for any length of time. Educate yourself. Understand the game right now; don’t get trapped into playing it. There’s a big price to pay if you lose your way.