Who Said You Can't Do It?

23rd June 2003

Let me start this with a question: Where do you come from?

I’m not talking about your place of birth, I’m talking about who you are, what is your background? Who are your influences? All of these things have a big influence on a person who is a victim or a bully. A person learns to be a victim; it’s learned behaviour, and not something you’re born with. A very good way to build a strong mind is to think about the thoughts coming into your head and to ask yourself where they came from.

If you’re standing in the mirror thinking negative thoughts like ‘I’m ugly’ or ‘I can’t do this’ stop for a minute. Where did the thought come from? I bet it wasn’t from you. That thought may have come from a comment someone directed at you, a comment you adopted, allowed to dominate your thoughts and started repeating it to yourself. The thought became part of you even though it was given to you by someone else. As a victim I learned to see myself as unattractive, I learned to think that I couldn’t do things. I learned to think that my opinions didn’t matter, none of this was true. But by not challenging what other people told me and adopting their insulting or negative opinions as my thoughts, the thoughts became me. They became my reference point for who I was and replaced the person I had been with a new, very negative self-image that served only to keep me a victim and trapped in a daily cycle of bullying.

I think it’s fair to say that you are what you think and often the thoughts we think are the result of seeds planted long ago by someone else. Victims adopt thoughts and an image of themselves that is not who they really are. If you’re currently a victim it’s really important that you understand this and are mindful of your thoughts. Be mindful of who you listen to, the people planting these seeds may not be bully’s necessarily but anyone can have a negative effect on your life and self image if you allow them too, if you do not carefully pay heed to the thoughts you are thinking.

What I learned through a very tough experience is that the thoughts you think are very powerful, much more powerful than you may imagine. And the thoughts you think have the power to take you in two different directions. By being mindful of them they can take you forwards into a much happier life, by not being mindful they can drag you down and bully you. The choice is entirely yours, having been in both directions I feel qualified to tell you which one is best. Be mindful of the thoughts you think and always be ready to question them. Is the thought what you really think or has it been put there by someone else who doesn’t have your best intentions at heart?

Be careful of who you listen to and keep your influences positive and you’ll l be taking large steps towards a happier life.